Days 80 and 81: A Maybe and a Whole Bunch of Don't Think So's

I was talking with a friend tonight about my process of returning things to Walmart. It's a numbers game. When one buys as many clothes and accessories there as I do, one is bound to have a lot of returns.

I have a system. I keep all of my Walmart receipts in one plastic envelope, categorized by date. When I need to return something, I have a pretty good idea of where the receipt is in the pile. So I take out the receipt, match it to the item, and put them both together in a handy plastic Walmart bag. I think the most I've ever shown up at the desk with is seven bags. I've gotten pretty good at sliding by the greeter and going straight to customer service without getting waylaid. My stuff often ends up being way more complicated than the poor greeter can handle. It's better for everyone this way.

My friend said, "Oh, you're that person," she said.

It's true. I'm that person. The one you want to yell at when you just have a single out-of-date box of Luna Bars to return, and your sweetheart's waiting in the car feeling not so sweet.

Forgive me. Please. Sometimes I shop too quickly, sometimes I'm overly optimistic. Either way, I'm at the return desk weekly. I'll try to confine myself to Tuesday mornings at 8:45.....

Here are some losers that I don't wear--mostly because they're too dull or frumpy:

George skirt: $5 (clearance $12) Too office-ish. A smidge too long to be stylish.

White Stag: $7 (clearance $10) Not as shiny as it looks here. Feels like a polyester maternity shirt to me.

George black sheath: $16  One of my very first purchases. Not too bad on--a little shapeless for my taste. Still, would look good beneath a jacket or with pearls or with a pale blue or ivory cashmere sweater.

White Stag: $7  Eggplant. Shapeless. 'Nuf said. Maaaaaaaybe next summer with a cotton skirt.

Norma Kamali dress: $20  Cranberry. Looks dreadful on the hanger, but it's a wonderful dress. It's the same dress as this one: (Me, on the right)

I've been trying to decide what to do with the clothes I can't return (for whatever reason).  Women's Shelter, maybe? They're all pretty classic and brand new--just the thing for job interviews.

I had somewhat better luck on Friday:

Jewel tones!

Don't ask me what that bizarre reflection on my sweater is....

George blouse: $12; White Stage Sweater: $10; Necklace: $7; Earrings: $7; No Boundaries Belt: $7; Norma Kamali cords: $15; Shoes: $30   Total: $88

Love the odd color combination, but I don't like the acrylic (of course!)

More later!

Day 79: Live From the Walmart Ladies' Room

Wednesday was one of those days when I really had to get moving first thing in the morning. I had laid out my workout clothes before I went to bed and went straight to the exercise bike after I made the boy's lunch and breakfast. The church Christmas party I was working on was to happen at six in the evening, and I had hopes of getting some writing done in between party tasks. But the writing never happened.

After a quick brekky on campus with my DH, I was off to the mothership in my workout clothes. I had a list with five things to buy on it. I was there ninety minutes. My DH and I discussed this. From now on, if he doesn't hear from me after I've been in Walmart for an hour, he is going to call me. It's not that I worry that I'm being mind-controlled by the music, or anything like that--even though I do sometimes come to full consciousness while standing in, say, the toothpaste aisle, and find myself holding some pseudo-magical dentifrice I wouldn't even think to buy if I were in my right mind. I'm just ADHD/ distractable and can't take my Adderall because it messes up my writing. (Sorry, I cover that sort of thing on my other blog.)

I've been wondering what I could use for a hat on those days when I don't have time to shower and do my hair. So I recently bought a couple of berets because I couldn't bring myself to buy a NASCAR or SIU ball cap at the mothership.

Here's how I looked for my shopping trip (no makeup--don't look too closely, please...my photo-editing software is limited):

Clever how I bought a brown beret to go with my casual Sam's club fleece, huh?

If you see me in this outfit on People of Walmart.com, please don't tell me. Be kind. (Finish reading the blog, then go spend a hilarious hour on the P of W.com site. Laughter is sooooo good for you!)

Ensemble:

Beret: $5; Fleece jacket: $30 (I think.) (Sam's Club); L.E.I. pajama shorts: $12; Laura Ashley ls tee: $8 (Sam's); Danskin shoes: $20: Earrings: $7 (I'm not a total slob!)

Things improved later in the day. I needed to wear something I could finish decorating in, and that would be comfy for serving food and herding youngsters. But it had to be festive. I know what you're thinking..."She's going to wear one of those tacky Christmas sweatshirts with snowmen or blinking reindeer noses to the party!"

Something like this?

Nope. I have, in my life, owned Christmas sweaters. Some of them quite expensive and awfully cute. But I won't be wearing any this year, I think.

This is an outfit I wore at Bouchercon. Very comfortable, and even better now that I've accessorized it with Miss Nina.

Ensemble:

Norma Kamali pants: $15; George cami: $7; sweater: $17 (Sam's); Red rubber boots: $25 (took $12 George loafer pumps to change into); Pearls: $18; Earrings: $5   Total: $87

Must go iron things so that later I won't have to leave the house in pajama shorts and a beret!

Day 78: Let's All Sing, "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night..."

If I were a brave woman, I'd show you a picture of my poor laundry room. I used to pride myself on my one-load-a-day habit. But I'm afraid my pride has been swallowed by two baskets of dirty laundry and one full of clothes I can't wear until next September. Then there's all the stuff that needs to be ironed hanging on the rack. Help! Now, when I pass the laundry room, I make sure I'm looking straight ahead--If I don't see it, maybe it isn't really there....

I spent Tuesday in unphotographable workout clothes. Okay. So the clothes were photographable--I, however, was not. But then I had to go to help decorate the church for last night's Christmas extravaganza (Awesome, fun party, btw--you know it's a success when a totally adorable, pink-cheeked moppet with black ringlets spends caroling time running in circles around the room, then throws up because she's so pumped!)

What to wear?! It was about 45 degrees outside and I needed something comfy. All but a single pair of jeans were in the laundry. No warm sweaters to speak of. I'd bought a long-sleeve version of the Norma Kamali long, black terry jacket (not quite a dress) last weekend in St. Louis, and I thought it would be comfy enough with something under it. But the jacket was not cute with flared jeans. Black terry and denim? Not quite. So I pulled out some black leggings.

I could've gotten away with the jacket and leggings if the jacket were maybe three or four inches longer. Or if I were on Real Trashy Housewives of Southern Illinois. Or if I were fourteen.

Panic set in. What to do?! Well, I grabbed black terry shorts. Yes. I did. It was a risky move, I know, layering those shorts over the tights. But I did it. And then I put on my F'Uggs and went to church!

I was running late, so I had to take the photo when I got home. Thus the sunglasses....

Black boots would have been a better choice. But given that I was wearing shorts, I figured "what the hell--might as well be comfy."

Ensemble:

Norma Kamali Jacket: $11 (clearance from $18); Norma Kamali leggings: $10; Norma Kamali shorts: $10; Norma Kamali Tee: $10; F'Uggs (Sam's Club): $30; That Damn Necklace: $7; Earrings: $7

Total: $85

I spent Wednesday running around in a beret. Hope the phone photo I took in the Walmart bathroom comes out okay.

**An Author Girl aside: If you want to give a signed copy of one of my books (or one of Pinckney's), send it to me and it will get signed--then I'll send it back to you (or to whomever it's for) and even pay media mail return postage. (With two you get gift wrap!) Details at my Notes From the Handbasket blog.

Have a blessed day!

Day 77: The Off-White of Things, and an Early Christmas Present

Off-white is definitely in my Summer color palette. I've always loved warm shades of white: ivory, pearls, orchids, white roses, raw silk. For a while I wanted to look like Linda Evans so often did on Dynasty--vulnerable, soft, and ahem innocent.

In the past weeks, my color choices have been very, very limited. These days I can wear a somewhat broader palette than I could even five or ten years ago, throwing in some red or vibrant blues. But I have to use strong colors carefully. If they're not well presented or done in the right fabric (how many times have you seen unfortunate turquoise satin, or a poorly dyed black sweater?), they look cheap.

Did you ever have one of those days when you just wanted to feel really good in your clothes? All of last week's holiday preparations left me feeling weary and a little flour-spattered. And when I'm working a lot, it's a chore to plan my outfits.

On Monday, I had no particular place to go except for the usual child-toting/grocery store errands. But I was very tired of all my black and gray clothes. So I brought out the whites. I wish the mothership would carry more attractive winter white pieces--it would be very encouraging over the coming looooong months.

This is what I came up with:

The bottom picture is with a bomber jacket and one of my favorite scarves. I'm not thrilled with the sweater-longer-than-the-coat thing. But I guess all the kids are doing it.

While I dislike acrylic clothes, the sweater is still nice and soft. I enjoyed wearing it. The longer necklaces I bought are helping, too. I felt pretty good at the end of the day.

Ensemble:

White Stag Ruffle cardigan: $15; George satin-trimmed tank: $7; Nine West Jeans: $15; Shoes: $15: Scarf: $5; Earrings: $35; Necklace: $7

I'm planning a pre-Christmas surprise present....stay tuned!

Day 76:Baby, It's Cold Outside

 Have I mentioned that I'm a tad obsessed with coats? I think I get it from my mom. My guess is that she currently has at least seven or eight coats.  Last week, when she said she'd found me a brown, medium Calvin Klein down jacket at Sam's Club to replace the black one I'd bought here (black was my second choice), I offered the black one to her. She said, "no thank you." And that she already had two black winter jackets. Or maybe it was three.

My mom has great taste in coats. When I was just out of college and had gone to work for A Big Corporation, she bought me a coat for Christmas. At the time, my style was random and occasionally collegiate, with mad dashes to the Land of Oddly Inappropriate. The coat she selected for me was brown tweed, with a long, slender, vaguely military silhouette. The collar stood up beneath my chin and the length was mid-calf.  To be more specific, I might call the color Tobacco. It would have looked fabulously Victorian with a tidy mink muff.

I liked the coat a lot. Mostly because it seemed sophisticated and grown-up to me. But here's how I knew it was a truly awesome coat: There was a guy in my office--let's call him Greg--wait, that's his real name. Let's call him Chad. So Chad sees me in the coat and says, "That's a beautiful coat. Someone must have bought it for you. There's no way you picked it out." I never could figure out why he disliked me so much or was always so rude to me. Then again, he was definitely a snob and was never particularly nice to anyone.

In a way, he was right. I didn't know all that much about dressing myself. Even at twenty-three, I was still big into experimenting with my look.

Here are two of my very favorite coats:

This is a lambskin leather stroller that my DH bought me seven or eight years ago from Frances Kahn, a yummy boutique in Roanoke, VA. You can see it's nicely softened with wear. I've sent it off to be cleaned and conditioned twice, and it has a small triangular tear near the placket. Any self-respecting fashionista would've handed it off long ago--but if people can treasure 1960s motorcycle jackets, why shouldn't I treasure my leather? It does have a detachable fur-trimmed hood. I've never been a big fur wearer, and I'm not sure what animal the fur came from. Still, I love wearing the coat--even if now it's just to pick up the kids or go to the grocery store. Strollers come down to about mid-thigh, a great length for me. And this coat has no waist issues.

Here's my other favorite, bought to replace the stroller for cold-weather, fashion wear:

 Now that I see this coat in a photo, I can see how reminiscent it is of the tweed coat my mom bought me all those years ago. Funny.

I've always wanted an extravagant shearling coat. For a long time, I thought I should have a western-looking one: light tan, with big, white, fuzzy lapels and cuffs. Something to wear with blue jeans and boots. While it would still be kind of fun to have one of those for play days, this coat is more my style. Wish I could give you a better picture of the color. You can look at the pretty pictures of the other ones at Mill Valley Sheepskin and Leather, where I bought this one.

I will wear this coat forever, I expect. Or forever and a winter, because it's not getting worn this winter--more's the pity.

My latest purchase:

And me in it (will stop shooting in the green hallway--not a good place for photos):

It's not very heavy, so I don't know how warm it will be. And the fauxfur sticks up in a funky way, reminding me of this guy:

It could be a few inches longer, but I do like the jacket's tailored shape, zippered pockets and the detachability of the hood. Plus, it was under $50.

Calvin Klein Down Jacket: $49.95 (Sam's Club)

 Do you have a favorite coat or jacket that you will never surrender to the Fashion Police? Hope you're staying cozy!